Embrace Honesty

“Your art is not about
how many people like your work
Your art is about
if your heart likes your work
if your soul likes your work
it’s about how honest you are with yourself
and you must never trade honesty for relatability.”
– Rupi Kaur

Sometimes, or most of the time I ask myself the following:

“What is the message of my art?”
“Is my heart honest as I do my artworks?”
“When I upload this on social media, what am I after? The likes or the honest heart I pour out?”

Honestly, I envy those people who get high numbers on Instagram or Facebook. I will be lying at all if I say I do not want attention or affirmation that I am doing a great job. But every time I post on Social Media, I realize that I am not doing this for numbers or for the sake of being famous. I AM WALKING THIS JOURNEY BECAUSE I RECEIVED GRACE and that is more than enough.

Being humbled of the purpose of this journey, I am being reminded that I should be honest to what the Lord is teaching me or to what I am going through in life right now. Yes, it is also okay to be relatable but what if it you do not fit in?

Yes, most of the time I do not see myself as someone who will fit in just to get there — I will not act as if I know what’s really happening. That is why I embraced honesty even if it will expose my entire being. And yes, it is hard to admit but I collapsed in all aspects during the first half of 2017. But now, I am enjoying a new season where the Lord is teaching me to be honest by admitting my vulnerabilities, past sins and imperfections. The Lord is teaching me to admit that I need help and I need to recognize that I have heart issues, to be more specific, my heart is actually broken — not romantically but emotionally and spiritually.

I need to recognize, acknowledge and embrace that the TRUTH was being slapped in my face. What are those truths?

  1. I was aware of theΒ CLEAR SIGNS but I do not PAY ATTENTION to it.
    – Last year, I went through a severe heart break but since it was Christmas time, I just continued living my normal life. But, I started 2017 being downcast. I even ended up saying no to wedding invitations and wedding signages. And the worst thing I’ve done? I ditched some projects because I envy the fact that I should be doing my own wedding paraphernalias during those moments.
    – There were a lot of clear signs that I am not okay but I never sought help because I was afraid to be judged or to be called WEAK. I was acting as if I am a Super Woman but deep down inside, I AM WRECKED.
  2. I wasΒ BLINDED with my HEART ISSUES.
    – Because of trying to deny the fact that I am not okay, I was already blinded. It came to a point that I am not allowing people to love me back. Or I am not forgiving other people but more importantly, myself.
    – I felt jealous, envious, revengeful, rich in anger but slow in love and the worst I do not listen to anyone. I justified myself that I am always right. Especially to those people who don’t know me or I do not like.
    – And I just forgot seeking God’s Word wholeheartedly. I lost my interest in His Word and in Him. I was nothing but a hypocrite.
  3. I was not plugged in to the RIGHT SOURCE.
    – Because of not reading the Bible, I found my joy whenever I have projects or whenever I have accomplishments. I found a joy that is temporary. I found my contentment to those things I do not actually own — like my skills in calligraphy, pattern making, tangling and everything else. I found joy with the money I receive from commissions. (I wasn’t even giving my tithes but I pay my taxes.)
    – I never gave the glory to God because I want to but, I just give the glory to Him because I feel like other people will see me as a backslider.
  4. I lived a SECRET LIFE.
    – Because of not acknowledging the signs, being blinded with my heart issues and not being plugged to the right source, I lived a life as if I am really okay. I learned to drink 4 glasses of wine as if it was my water. Being tipsy was totally fine and saying bad words just to say that I am better became a norm.
    – I almost went back to dating and I allowed some men to touch my body just to feel appreciated. I got addicted to it.

BUT THE LORD REDEEMS. He brought people that will remind me of His love — my favorite band Coldplay, my favorite coffee shop CBTL PH and Brew Your Best Year Community, Nella of CBTL, Enzo, Ella, Darla, JC, Ana, Icia, Anj, Fei, Erika, Bettina, Carla, Tanya, my leaders Ate Keeneth and Ate Lovely, my Titos and Titas in Rotary and my students in calligraphy.

And I learned that:

Just to encourage all of you, do not feel bad if you currently feel lost waiting to be found because

I hope and pray that as you read this, you will experience the freedom I have right now. The freedom that you will only experience if you allow yourself to be honest. ‘Coz if you live in honesty, it will reflect in everything that you say or do, even the way you treat yourself and other people. The battle is real and the world will deceive you with its lies that you are okay BUT no, you will never be okay until your heart becomes aligned with His heart.

May the Lord bless you with an honest heart. And may you embrace honesty at all times.

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